Is my life TOO safe?

There’s a fuel shortage here. Actually, I haven’t been watching the news. It could all be over with now. There was some issue with the storage/delivery system and it had cause some stations to possibly not have enough fuel to supply the demand on any given day.

Driving back from my son’s Aikido this morning I noticed I was half-full and wondered to myself if I should top it up. What are the consequences of not topping up?

1) I could go to the station like normal and gas up like normal

2) I could go to the station like normal and they could be out in which case I would have to drive to the next station and maybe even the next until I could fulfill my need. This is not a problem near my house where there are 5 stations. This would be less advantageous around my work place. (note to self: have at least a quarter tank of fuel to assure I can get back before commuting to work)

3) I could run out of gas.

Now, here’s where my reflections took a deeper turn. My first year of university I ran out of gas 4 times. I was young and, what can I say, I wasn’t particularly interested in superfluous things like checking gauges. I also locked my keys in my car 6 times that first year. And over the first several years, I had many tire failures and even a new tire with a fault that exploded on me while driving. I have no idea how often I needed a boost.

I moved to Lafayette and didn’t know a single person there. There was no safety net. I was determined to do things my way. Things like running out of gas forced me to be a part of the local community. I relied on strangers. It was exciting in a way to be a part of life that way. After a few years I kept booster cables in my car and stopped whenever I saw someone needing help.

Also, not being a mom yet, I had no real concern for my personal well-being.  That helped too. I once ran out of gas on I-10 somewhere between Lake Charles and Lafayette in the middle of the night. On a Wednesday.

Here. Now. Things are different. I have layers of safety netting. It’s nice to know when I’m lost somewhere in the North or Downtown of Calgary I can call Desi or at least a dozen other people who can help me. On top of that I love my mechanic. We’re friends and I know he’d be there to help. (shout out to Scott at MRI Auto Care)

Only, I can’t help but wonder if I actually did run out of gas and was on the side of the road on Deerfoot Trail during rush hour… I might just start walking or wait to see who stops to help. I don’t know if I want my safety net to get in the way of meeting new people or being open to being a part of my community.

Maybe my life feels a little too safe right now.

A Story about the Little Birds

Recently we packed up the trailer that was parked in our back yard and headed out to Blue Rock for some camping.

Despite staying up pretty late the first night (and each subsequent night) I was unable to sleep in that morning. Now, I like to think I’m a pretty hard sleeper so I was jealous to see that Desi had apparently no issues sleeping through the nest of baby birds yapping ALL FRICKIN MORNING LONG from the time the sun came up. cheep-cheep-cheep, cheep-cheep, cheep-cheep-cheep, cheep-cheep, cheep, cheep-cheep-cheep…. Holy Hanna did I want to shoot myself in the head to make it stop. I teased Desi about it all day- but then when we had guests in our camper who commented on it Desi suddenly remembered that our neighbor here at the house mentioned seeing robins making a nest in the oven vent.

Well, so we went to investigate and sure enough there was a whole 6-pack of birdies begging to be fed. They were shoved pretty far back- in fact from their location they would have been  in the wall just a foot above my head when I was trying to sleep.

We soaked a hamburger bun with a bit of water and hand fed them using a chop stick for three days on steady rotation. We were camping with 6 trailer fulls of family that weekend and everyone who wanted got to play Birdie Momma.

We drove home and unloaded the camper from the front of the house. We fed the birds one last time. Then we drove the trailer up the back alley and backed it up into the back yard. Everyone was silent and looking around- nervous that the Robin Parents had gone off and made another family. We quietly unhitched, drove the truck away, closed the gate and walked into the house to watch from the windows.

I kid you not, not 10 minutes later a male robin with a mouth full of worms swooped in to feed the babies. Both parents were there right away. I imagined them flying around the block all weekend long with mouthfulls of food going “I know I left them right here somewhere!”

fini

Century of Self

I was just watching this interesting documentary by Adam Curtis for the BBC back in 2002.

In it Edward Bernays, who invented the term “public relations”, is shown as having had the idea from the first world war. He saw how propaganda was used to successfully promote the war. He realized that this idea could be used in peace too for financial gain. He understood that this would never be successful using the term propaganda and with the help of his uncle, Sigmund Freud, he coined the term Public Relations and opened his first firm in NYC. He used the principles of psychoanalysis to inform the masses. I found it especially interesting how he promoted cigarettes to women as symbols of independence and promoted cars to men as a symbol of virility. Even his uncle’s writings and ideas would never have gained the popularity they had if not for Bernay’s unprecedented brand of emotional smoke and mirrors. This is the birth of the Adman inspiring us to feel that we must have things we don’t need. Our insatiable urge for endless useless consumer goods starts here. This documentary chronicles the manipulative beginnings of the promotion of a culture of desire.

Even though Freud was a pacifist in WWII, the writings of Edward Bernays were used by Hitler as the basis of Nazi control over Germany and explains how he managed to win such popular tyranny over his people.

Fascinating stuff.

Medicine Man in Nigeria is Respected (now that’s news)

I remember when our awareness of what was going on in Africa started to bubble and we were just beginning our foray into doing something about it. One thing that we heard often was about the evil medicine men. Maybe it’s because we have healers back home and they don’t scare me, but I’ve always found the partyline a bit harsh. Here in Calgary, everything is so new. There’s no reverence for old or traditional things. Our healers back home saved my mom from sunstroke as a little girl and she still gets ointment from them for things.

There was little doubt in my mind that these medicine men clearly know more about the world they live in than I did. However, I could see the challenge here. The fact is people are dying of AIDS. No one wants (wanted) to get tested in the first place, because not knowing was frankly a better option. Then at least the community wouldn’t shun you. So instead of going to the clinic you go to the healer. I get that. The problem comes in when the healer is making people sick/sicker. And then there’s the issue of the money being spent- sometimes in the place of food for the family. And if they are already being treated with ARVs… well then it’s really bad. They aren’t eating because they’ve used up the food money. So the meds can’t work anyway. And then the healer tells them to stop the ARV regime (because it’s making them sick, which it actually is, while it’s doing the job of saving their life). And once you’ve stopped ARVs  it’s likely your body has developed a resistance to it so it’s not so easy as just starting up again… It’s messy stuff.

I get why there should be an open discussion with healers who run the risk of doing harm. But I’ve never felt that the right tact was to demonize them. Instead, I think they should be respected. A relationship should be established and they should be consulted and brought into the discussion.

That’s just what’s being done in Nigeria. Check it out.

and it breaks my heart

Courage Campaign just released this amazing video. Just try keeping your eyes dry while you watch it. And who doesn’t just love Regina Spektor anyway!!

16 Random Things (and tag, you’re it)

A lovely friend from high school tagged me in a note on Facebook, requiring me to write this note in reply. If I’ve tagged you- you have to to!

Directions: You have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

Since there are 16 things to write that fall into 4 categories- I’ll do 4 of each.  So here goes:

Four Shortcomings:

1. I have funny proportions. I’m shorter than I look (I’ve been told) with little short fingers and toes. I love looking at people who have long features- but I also love looking at people who also have short features and have made them work for them. Okay- I just love to look at people.

2. I can get really angry. I’ve compensated by learning to relax making me a pretty chill person- but it’s all just a mechanism to manage that I can get pretty fired up. I like to just think of it as, I’m a passionate person, but I’ve learned to use it to my advantage when I want it.

3. I have abandonment issues. My parents’ divorce has had this lingering side effect. If I’m sleeping so soundly when Desi leaves for work that I don’t remember that he kissed me good-bye- my whole day is ruined and I just want to cry.  It really only plays out with Desi because I’ve given him so much of my heart. (Poor guy. That’s a lot of pressure.)

4. Some sounds will completely disable me. I think I hear sounds better than most. And some pitches (like whistling indoors) create this bubbling suffocation of restlessness inside me. My life feels the most balanced when I control the rhythms and sounds and my breathing and my cadence of speech to match my mood. A few years ago I discovered Classical music and I use it to stabilize me when I feel stress or lack of balance.

Four Facts:

5. I love my husband more and more all the time. I’d live with him in a refrigerator box downtown- and I think that would be a blast. Sure, there are things that could be different, but he is who he is and I love it all.

6. I’m happiest when Desi and the boys and I are all in the kitchen cooking together with music in the background, laughing and being silly. Or all playing charades together. Or all at the waterpark together. Or all biking up a mountain together. Or all playing Wii together. All of the harder parenting parts of life come together and make sense right then- when we can all just enjoy one another.

7. I have the coolest boys. They are a wild ride, that’s for sure. The hardest part of parenting them comes from things that will make them awesome grown-ups. My challenge is just to keep a step ahead not by controlling their movements but by seeing where they’re headed so I can be there to egg them on to the next adventure. I don’t want to parent in a way that suppresses even the parts that are hard to parent- because that independent entrepreneurial spirit will do them a service later when they’re all on their own. I will not raise ‘behave, sit still and do what you’re told’ kids. I do however, expect that they always stick up for each other (even against me if need be, they’re always brothers) and they do need to always be aware of how their behavior effects all those around them. There’s the rub.

8. I use good oil for oil changes and premium gas. I save money using premium gas (thanks to my wonderful mechanic friend Scott’s suggestion) because I can go so much further. And I am hopelessly irresponsible at getting my oil changed exactly when I should so using a good synthetic means I can go further. It also means that even when the weather was at a sustained -30 Celcius, my Infinity has always started right up for me. And I don’t even plug it in!

Four Habits:

9. I am a “first things first” kind of person. I like to take things in order. I like to finish what I start. And anything worth doing is worth doing well.

10. I take good care of my teeth and practice good hygiene.

11. I think that laughter and a smile is an appropriate response to most of life. Even troubled times. I wish someone would remind me of that when I get low.

12. I don’t eat meat. It’s only been 6 months but it has made a huge difference in how I cook for my family and how I feed myself. I can’t very well not eat meat and then load up on carbs or sweets or packaged BS in it’s place, can I? It’s not a medical or moral decision, really. It was just a whim that my sister Natalie put in my head and I thought I’d try it out. I’ve made a few well-chosen and sparse exceptions because I don’t want to be in a situation where my body can no longer process meat. It’s been fun. I’ve learned a lot.

Four Goals:

13. I’m determined to start a new career in 2009. I’ve enlisted a career coach. I’m being a bit picky because it’ll mean that I’m not home as much and that has a lot of value to me. And, I have a lot to offer so I want to be sure that I will be valued. I don’t need to earn a lot to start because I don’t feel that kind of sense of entitlement. But I want there to be room to grow because I do believe in earning entitlements. Any suggests are most welcome!

14. It’s looking as if we won’t be involved in a trip to Africa this year. I’m sad about that but I know that things happen in their time. I hope to visit my family in France again in the next year or two with the family. Mamie has come to spend a few Summers here with us, but they are getting older now and I’m afraid it’s our turn. And I miss them!

15. I look forward to the new books we’ll be reading. We read series books with the kids. We’ve read all of the Chronicles of Narnia together and the Spiderwick Chronicles and now we’re still reading the City of Ember Series. We’ve managed to stay a step ahead of Hollywood. And then with Desi I read theology and politics and social justice and business theory. We read things that open our eyes and challenge our opinions. It’s been a fun thing to share. We’re just planning our future literary adventures for 2009.

16. Right now- my goal is get the kids out of the house, possibly tobogganing, because they’ve been eating their Gingerbread Houses all morning and are giggly wired little messes.

Alright, now I have to pick 16 people off my friends list to tag in the hopes that they’ll complete this little exercise too. There are so many interesting people to pick from- I don’t know….

These are some more of my Favorite Things

8. Applepears. love ‘em. And while I’m thinking of food- Dark Chocolate and Edamame Beans too.

9. Fluffy down duvets with white patterned covers.

10. Zoey. The softest kitty in the world. And the friendliest daintiest chocolate point siamese you’ll ever find.

11. I love the coffee drinks Desi makes me since buying our better espresso machine. And fresh roasted coffee.

12. Just after a little spa time- clean and shaven and primped and powdered.

13. Flight of the Conchords

14. Exploring Fish Creek Park, 5 minutes from our house, with the boys. Following the rivers and paths and small trails, over and under bridges. Catching grasshoppers for their bug containers or minows for their pails. Jogging, sunbathing, reading, exploring, picnicing, biking, swimming, rolling around in the tall grass. It’s endless. And free.

That’s what I’ve got for today…

Cheers!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

List of guilty pleasures, by no means comprehensive:

1. YouTube-ing “Tegan and Sara Banter“. I love them. And between concert sets they chat, about growing up here in a rough part of Calgary, about being twins, about love and relationships, about childhood, about each other… it’s a favorite way to waste time. I think they are so funny. And I have a girl-crush on Sarah.

2. Wikipedia editing. I usually have to make myself stop because it can get pretty consuming. I’m researching things to add content. I’m making friends with other editors and working together to improve a project. Then I have to step back and just resort to proof-reading new content for errors.

3. iLike. I love doing this with Desi. We stay up late, each on a laptop, with a favorite beverage in hand and play music for each other. He has sites he uses, I use iLike on Facebook. We look up music and take turns playing a song for each other. Then we have to guess the singer or the song… We can waste hours doing this.

4. Playing Wii. It’s been a year and a half- and I’m still not tired of it. Our latest family favorite is Super Smash Brothers.

5. Strongbow. I like a nice glass of wine. I like the occasional cocktail: gin and tonic, cuba Libra, caesers,… I like an apperatif: grand marnier, Pernod, even scotch on the rocks. Sometimes I like a beer. But anytime I don’t know what I’m in the mood for I can always order a Strongbow and know that I’ll like it. And Original Joe’s offers a cider on tap with floating cranberries. That’s nice too.

6. Theology. I never tire of studying theology. It’s been years now. I can read and reread. And cross reference and study what others say… What amazes me is how I was taught such a narrowed theology growing up and to see the myriad of very plausable ways of looking at familiar passages. I never tire of it. More and more though I’ve come full circle to appreciating the Catholic way of looking at things. But I really admire the Buddhists idea of God. And have even gained an appreciation for how some muslims have interpreted their faith. All in all- the Jesus of the Bible rocks. Not the Jesus reinvented by some to use as a weapon against others- but the Jesus of the Bible. There’s a guy I like.

7. Online games. Right now I like Governor of Poker and Lightning. Both are card games.

I have more but I can’t remember now.

Buy tickets today for upcoming concert! Almost Sold Out!

Our good friend, Guy Chaput, along with a line up of other awesome local musicians have come together to put on a concert with ALL proceeds going to charity helping orphans and vulnerable children in Africa. Given who all is going and the music being showcased, it is guaranteed to be a GOOD TIME! I’ve got tickets but there aren’t many left ($25 each) . May 30th at Kits on 16th.

The Story of Longtin, a 5 yr old born with AIDS in Congo

Well, only a week left until Desi gets back. They’ll be leaving the DR Congo this week and spending another day in Zambia and then a day in Johannesburg to visit the apartheid museum before heading home. Desi just sent me another update for the DRC blog and so I’ll copy it to here, too. It’s the story of a girl he met named Longtin:

Did you know you can find real life heroes living in a slum? I tell you, you can, I met one today, a broken old man who has something to live for.

Twenty years ago the love of his life went blind suddenly & he has taken care of her ever since. Just over five years ago his son-in-law died of AIDS & he began taking care of his daughter & 3 children. Five years ago his daughter also died of AIDS leaving 3 orphans for him to care for, one born HIV positive. What is the life expectancy of a child born HIV positive? I tell you it cannot be much more than 5 years.

When we got to the house this evening Longtin was standing on the front porch coughing endlessly. She is a beautiful child, though you would never guess her to be 5 as she is so small. We heard stories of how she has fought so hard, with her grandfather encouraging her. She is finally old enough to go to school, has a uniform & everything. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have the strength to make the trip. Sometimes when her grandfather is feeling strong he will carry her to school, otherwise she just puts on her uniform & sits on a bench at the front of the house. When she does make it to the school, which is sponsored by Hands at Work, the wonderful lady who is their teacher goes and gets a big comfy chair from her house for Longtin to sit in.

Her CD4 blood count gets checked whenever her grandfather is able to make the 2 hour journey with her to the hospital in Lubumbashi, on the bus. Her last test results said that she was finally healthy enough to begin taking the life saving anti-retroviral drugs (ARVs). Unfortunately, there are none available and her condition is worsening once again.

There we were all squished into the living room of their tiny 2 room shack. We gave them some food that we had brought, as they are a part of the Hands at Work orphan feeding program. Margaret then told them that we were from Westside Kings Church. She told them that Westside was the one that had been supporting their work here in DRCongo. She told them that we were the ones that had been supplying food, school fees & funds for health care to the family.

The grandfather began thanking us, thanking us for giving life to his family. This is one of those times I find extremely difficult. It becomes hard to put into words due to some sort of confusion. On one hand, I am honored to play a small role in what Westside & Hands at Work is doing in Africa. I am honored to be the individual who is able to receive this gratitude, from such an incredible man, for giving life to his family. On the other hand, it is hard to miss the fact that they are still barely surviving. You have to ask yourself, “is this enough, is this the best that I can do?” Or maybe even a better question, “is my being a part of this family barely surviving worth such gratitude from a man who labours every single day for their survival?”

Did you know you can find real life heroes living in a slum? I tell you, you can, I met one today, an incredible old man who has something to live for.

Latest Post on DRCmatters

I’ve, sadly, not been posting here despite being very active on the other blog for the Congo team. That one is here, hosted by blogspot, and is called DRCmatters.

This was my latest addition:

As previously mentioned, this is the first Westside team to enter the DRC. And the permission from the board did not come easily. It has been a process that has taken nearly 2 years. Part of the proposal drafted this year to the board in order to gain permission included accounts from people who know the area who could testify to it’s safety. The board needed to know that they were not putting a group of Canadians in a harmful situation.

These are excerpts from a couple of those accounts:

The first is from another church STM leader in New Brunswick who last year began sending annual teams to the DRC:

“The reason we go to Lubumbashi in Southern DRC instead of other places, is to
work among displaced people—people who have fled the danger in DRC’s east.
Southern DRC is safe. Just follow the people. The reason they displaced
themselves to southern DRC is because it is safe.

“Even if fighting does flare up in the East, it’s over 1000 miles away—through
mountains and over terrible roads. The rebels certainly do not have air
capabilities. If they ever did try to come south, it would take them over a week.
News reports would pick that up, and we would simply cross the nearby border
back into Zambia.

“My team did not take extra liability insurance, and our waiver was not
sophisticated. The greatest way to manage risk on the field is to avoid acting
irresponsibly on the field. If your church’s leader acts irresponsibly, then you are
at risk.”

And this next excerpt comes from a man who grew up in Likasi who operates a flight service and travels regularly between the US and the DRC. This is what he had to say:

“You’d be amazed to see how many foreigners are in Likasi. If you go you will
see that the peace is there. You will sense the peace…BIG peace. The challenge
is in going around at night. You just need to find a good area to stay. There is not
this issue of people coming into your house in DRC.”

“The trouble in DRC is the fighting. Uprisings bring trouble. But the fighting has
never gone on in Lubumbashi or Likasi. That is in the Eastern part of DRC. The
Eastern part is scary. It is over 1000 kilometers away.”

Rukang added: “The people are tired of war. Working in Congo is easy because
the people are ready to receive you.”

That last part gets me.

Glasses

Parker, while I was preparing supper: Momma, my glasses are broken but I can’t find where it is.

Me: Oh no. Again? How do you know?

Parker: Because today I ran into someone and they said that my glasses were broken.